In the first part of this series, we looked at how our family chose to segment our children’s technology devices – computers for school work, ipads for play, phones for communication. But what they all have in common is parent-set guidelines and limitations. No one has unlimited or unrestricted access to any technology. We limit where they can be used. We limit when they can be used. We limit how they can be used. That is what we will look at now.
Where: All technology is used in common areas in our home. Computers for homework can be used at the kitchen table, school table or upstairs open area. If they want to do homework in a bedroom, it has to be non-computer work. I request all screens to be facing out so that when I walk around the house, it’s easy to peek at what is being viewed. Ipads are checked out for “media time” and have to be used in common areas – usually the Living Room couch. And even (especially) phones stay in common areas. We have a phone charging station in the kitchen and office, and all phones are left there at night. Even ours! No phones in bedrooms or bathrooms or behind closed doors. We even ask our children’s friends to abide by this family policy. Offer a teenager a charging station in the common area and they are happy – their phones usually need to be charged! 🙂 Honestly, this is especially important because many of our children’s friends’ phones are not internet restricted, and therefore even more unwelcome into bedrooms with closed doors.
When: All technology is restricted in when it can be used. Even school computers are only used when a parent is at home. There is other homework that can happen when the children are home while I make a quick run to baseball practice. We want to set a pattern for accountability and no private technology usage. Ipads are time restricted because permission has to be granted to use them. We found a timer app on the iPad which allows us to set a designated amount of play time and then shuts the device off when time is up. The phones have a curfew because they sleep in the kitchen. When it’s bedtime, phones are turned off until morning – even Mom & Dad’s phones.
How: As parents we are providing the technology for our children and we are responsible to train them in how it is used wisely. We are determining how a computer, ipad and phone are used in our home by determining which devices are used for which purpose. One of the biggest “wins” so far has been the decision not to put social media apps on our daughter’s phone. She has already made the observation of how much less time she is spending on Instagram because it isn’t on her phone. The boys spend so much less time playing video games because they are not on their phones.
We decided not to give any technology to our kids for birthday or Christmas gifts. Even if a device was a gift, we would still need to exercise our authority as the parents and set restrictions. However, we felt that by not making these things a gift, it would help to further reinforce that this is a “tool” that we are allowing you to use, and we can take it away at any point. No one is “entitled” to any electronic devices.
Why: All these guidelines and restrictions beg the “why” question. Why is this such a big deal? Why so many limitations? There are both short term and long term answers to those questions. For the short term, by segmenting and limiting technology, we hope to preserve more family time. Both larger chunks of quality time together, and also moments along the way that aren’t squeezed out because everyone is on a device. We hope that by restricting the amount of time spent on technology, they will be less likely to adopt addictive habits. By segmenting their technology, there are limited things they can do on each device and are more likely to turn it off on their own initiative. For example, because our daughter doesn’t have Safari or Instagram on her phone, she is more likely to put it down and talk to a friend.
Our long term hope is that by using these guidelines and restrictions we are teaching our children wisdom, and as they grown into adulthood, there are principles gained that will help them navigate the technology world on their own.
Things will change… rapidly! I have no doubt that our current devices will be outdated soon, and new things will be introduced that will cause us to change the way we operate in our family. And, regardless, as our children continue to grow older their freedoms will also increase. We won’t send our children to college without access to the App store! However, our hope is that as things change, and as their freedoms grow, the principles and the goals will stay the same – the goal of raising responsible technology users, who can also rightly distinguish between the time for a toy or a tool.