One of the conversations I often find myself in centers around technology. “When did you give your daughter a phone? How do you handle Instagram? What are you family rules for the internet?”
This post was compiled over the course of many conversations with other moms asking how our family has sought to “do technology” intentionally and wisely. I cannot emphasize enough that every family is different. There is no way that all the specifics of our “family policy” on technology could possibly work for you. My hope is that there is nugget here that might be helpful to you, or encourage you on your own family journey towards an intentional approach to technology.
I remember getting my first iphone and being blown away by how “convenient” it was to have all my technology and communication needs met by this one little device. How great that my phone, computer, address book, calendar, and even social life could all fit in my back pocket! Then came the realization that along with convenience came the temptation to be on my smart phone more often than I would have used the sum total of the other devices.
As it became time to introduce our children to the world of technology, we had to ask ourselves the question, “Do we go the route of convenience, which might also prove to be less expensive and less demanding of our time, or do we take the more costly road – both in terms of money and time?” If I, as an adult, can struggle to be disciplined and self-controlled in my technology usage, would it be wise to put such a temptation in the hands of a teenager?
So here’s where our family landed. Spend more money and time to segment technology.
Each device has a specific purpose:
- computer for school work
- ipad for play
- phone for communication
We have 4 children, ages 13, 11, 9, and 7. This isn’t going to be simple or cheap. But it is an investment that feels worth it.
Computers. The older children need computers for school. They have to check assignments on the school website, type papers and research on-line. My husband found inexpensive computers for them to use. We have Open DNS on our home network and Covenant Eyes installed on every computer in our home. Each child has a Covenant Eyes account specific to his or her age and needs. Covenant Eyes operates as both a filter and accountability service. Based on their log-in, they can access certain websites that we have allowed as they were assigned by a teacher, but no one has unlimited internet access. There are no games or social media on the kid’s computers. Computers are for school work only. This is a safe-guard for them to stay focused on homework, and keeps it simple for us to monitor. We get a daily email with a log of all the websites each user accessed that day.
Ipads. We invested in iPads for our kid as their “play device.” A wise friend recommended iPads for a play device because it has a larger screen – less privacy, more accountability and less mobility. You don’t stick an iPad in your back pocket or purse. The iPads all live in our home office, where they can be charged. Our children will get a little “media time” if homework and other responsibilities are taken care of and there is a block of free time. Their media time choices include games on their iPads or the Wii. The kids grab their iPads, we set the timer for the allotted time, and they sit in a common area and enjoy their games. When the timer goes off, the iPads are put back in the office.
We have found Apple products to have pretty user-friendly parent controls. However, the main reason we went with Apple is that we are already familiar with the products because that is what we use personally. We have taken the time to set each child’s ipad with appropriate restrictions based on their ages. They each have picked (with our help!) Apps to download on their device. We allowed our daughter to join Instagram when she turned 13, and this is where she accesses it. We have blocked access to the Internet (Safari is disabled) and the App store. If they want to download a new App, they have to ask us for it, we research the App and then download it for them. This involves entering a parent password, turning off restrictions, downloading the App, and then turning the restrictions back on. Again, it’s not simple, but worth the time investment!
Phones. “Tools not toys!” For years we told our kids that phones were “tools not toys” and they were ready for a phone when they needed a “tool” not a “toy.” This also meant not letting them play with our phones when they were little. We did not put any games on our phones to avoid that temptation. When our daughter was in 7th grade she starting playing volleyball for the school team. This required a phone for communicating pick-up time. She had a flip phone for a while but it was very hard to monitor. Jeff bought her a refurbished iPhone 5. Again, because we use iphones, it is familiar to us and easy for us to do a quick parent check of her texts, etc. We can use the same processes for blocking/allowing things on her phone as we do on the ipads. It’s “do-able” and therefore we can keep up with it. We have disabled Safari, (internet browser) all social media, (Instagram, etc.) and the App store on her phone. There are no games on her phone. She can text, call or take pictures. It is a “tool” for communication.
Computers for school work, ipads for play, phones for communication. But what they all have in common is parent-set guidelines and limitations. No one has unlimited or unrestricted access to any technology. We limit where they can be used. We limit when they can be used. We limit how they can be used. I’ll discuss that in part 2 of this series.
*update 2018 – our kids are now 16, 14, 12 and 10. The older 3 have school computers. Same guidelines as above. We also have a special computer set aside for YouTube and other websites that are harder to filter, yet they occasionally need access for schoolwork. We enter a password for them to use this less-filtered computer as needed. The older 3 now have phones, but without social media or games on them. Our 16 year old has internet access on her phone through the Covenant Eyes app. Using this app instead of Safari allows us to set up filters, and we get a daily email report of all her internet activity.