When our daughter was 11, I took her on a Passport to Purity weekend. FamilyLife Ministries has created this fabulous resource for parents to use to talk to their pre-teens about sexual purity over the course of a set-aside weekend. They have developed a curiculum for purchase, which includes a set of CDs, a parent guide and a student workbook. My daughter & I spent the weekend at a local hotel, where we listened to the CDs, pausing them often to talk and answer the questions in the workbook. It was a wonderful way to set aside focused time to discuss God’s design for sex and purity – as well as topics such as peer pressure and dating.
One thing we discussed was that the teenage years often feel like a fog has descended upon you. It’s fun and exciting, but at the same time can be confusing and challenging. Things might often feel hazy or unclear; things that seem so clear now. Just like in a fog, it might sometimes be difficult to see behind you, to see down the road, and even to see the next step in front of you.
I shared with her that there would be hormones that would make her feel extremely emotional, confused, frustrated, happy, or sad – and all at once sometimes! 🙂 She might sometimes feel like Mom & Dad were against her instead of for her.
And I counseled her that these next 6 years, while most likely a small percent of her life, would feel sooo long. There are many foolish decisions that teenagers make in these short years that affect the rest of their lives. I urged her to keep the big picture perspective of her life and seek to think outside of her season.
We also talked about how friendships are affected by the fog because all her peers will be in the fog too! Everyone will be feeling insecure and it will come out in different ways – some teens will be mean, some will retreat, and some will seek attention in inappropriate ways. Many will be fickle – loyal one day and unfriendly the next. I urged her to be patient with her friends and give them lots of grace – as she will hope to receive from them as well!
It was a sweet weekend of mother/daughter time – and most of what we talked about then was “theory.”
Now, it’s reality!
We are smack in the middle of the fog! Things are often confusing, unclear and it’s hard to see. We have a good relationship and talk regularly about foggy things. Multiple times I’ve referred back to our conversation at the hotel. I think it was helpful that I warned her in advance that it might be foggy. I can gently encourage her to see beyond the fog by looking behind her and remembering God’s goodness in her life, by looking down the road at her goals and dreams for her life, and then looking at the next step ahead and walking in wisdom.
We don’t want to make the mistake of thinking that our goal is just to “get through” these years – there are many ways we can honor the Lord in our foggy teenage years. There are things to learn, opportunities for growth, passion to be channeled and experiences to be gained. It has been a fun season for us so far!
However, knowing that you might not be seeing clearly can be very helpful. Knowing the state of your vision leads to asking for help, seeking wisdom from others, and proceeding with a little more caution.
And before we can blink, the fog will lift, and we will have a young adult before us.